


A Prayer For World Kindness

by Cozy_coffee



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Community: spnkink_meme, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s04e10 Heaven and Hell, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Kissing, M/M, Sad, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-26
Updated: 2010-05-26
Packaged: 2018-05-02 22:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5265440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cozy_coffee/pseuds/Cozy_coffee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fill for the spnkink_meme prompt; CRYING!JENSEN; Eyes start to well up, bites his lips to keep it in, silent tears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Prayer For World Kindness

Jensen had been on edge all day long and the anxiousness was only getting worse as the time got closer to filming. Jensen was in Dean's headspace, feeling vulnerable and open, skin stretched too thin and nerves laced with sorrow and heartache. His shoulders were hunched and his head had been bowed most of the day, and his body language spoke of a man who was trying hard to be brave and not cry; like a man who had been shattered. 

Jensen didn’t eat at lunch and he hadn’t said more than a few words to anyone as the crew set up the shot. If he wasn’t pacing he was standing and rocking from side to side on the balls of his feet, unable to stay still. His hands were shoved into the pockets of Dean's jacket with his knuckles so tightly clenched that his fingers were almost white. 

When Jared looked at Jensen he could see the prickling feeling of anxiety and edginess, as well as the anguish and pain. Jensen was deep in Dean’s tortured emotions and it showed in his body language. Jensen didn’t want to be touched, not just by Jared but by anyone, no hugs or handshakes, or high-fives. It was like he couldn’t stand human contact. Today was Jensen's birthday and it should have been a day for laughter and joy; but instead it was a day of sorrow. Jared stayed close to Jensen but still kept at a distance, giving his boyfriend space to breathe but still there within reach should Jensen need him. 

Jensen was a jumbled mess of nerves and emotions, and Jared knew to let Jensen be, knowing Jensen needed to stay in Dean's head so he could pull off the performance. When the time came to film, Jared slipped into Sam as Jensen let Dean overtake him. A quite hush filled the set and the director called out, action. Jensen got part way through the scene before his body began to shake. His eyes start to well up, making his jade eyes shine with hurt. He bit his lip and drew in a ragged breath as he said his lines. 

“It was four months up here, but down there... I don’t know. Time’s different. It was more like 40 years.” Jensen recited the words as his heart ached in his chest. 

Jared felt the beginning of tears start to form in his eyes as he listened to the hurt tone of Jensen's voice. His own voice came out shaky as he said his line. “My God.” 

“They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you...” Jensen took a breath and paused, feeling like his skin was crawling. His heart was skipping beats and his chest felt tight, like he couldn’t draw in an even breath. He carried on as the tears rose up in his eyes. “Until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... like magic... just so they could start in all over. And Alastair...”

Jared heard the vile sneer Jensen gave, knowing Jensen had dug deep in his sorrow to show Dean's hatred for the demon. Jensen’s voice was so broken and filled with pain and anger that Jared's tears glistened in his eyes. He looked at his boyfriend, seeing Dean before him, not Jensen. He saw the embodiment of the character that his boyfriend had brought to life. 

Jensen carried on with his lines, trying not to break apart. He knew the exact moment when the audience needed to see Dean break down and it wasn’t just yet. “And at the end of every day... every one...he would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack... if I put souls on... if I started the torturing. And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines.” 

Dean’s voice was cocky there, the tone of the older Winchester that showed he wouldn’t go down without a fight. But it didn’t last. The next line was filled with heartache and pain, and torment, and Jensen’s' voice shook as hot tears filled up his eyes. 

“For thirty years, I told him. But then I couldn't do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls.” 

A tear rolled down his cheek and he broke, his heart clenching painfully in his chest, feeling like a knife stabbing at him. He felt like he was coming apart at the seams and it was as if his entire world was collapsing around him. 

Still, Jensen carried on; he cried, pain and sorrow, and anguish written on his handsome face. “The…the things that I did to them.”

Jared started to say his line but his emotions flared and he couldn’t speak. Dear god, it hurt; watching his boyfriend portray this tortured man, seeing Jensen looking so broken and fragile, it was hurting him. Jared knew it was pretend but there was a very thin line between real and fake in moments like this, when Jensen embodied his character so purely that when Jared looked at him Jensen didn’t appear like himself. He looked like Dean. 

Jared choked back a soft sob. “Dean... Dean, look, you held out for thirty years. That's longer than anyone would have.”

Jared’s voice was filled with heartache and fear and sadness, and the sound shattered Jensen. His boyfriend sounded so hurt and he knew he was the reason why. His performance was so true it was affecting Jared, and although that made the scene so much more powerful, it hurt Jensen to know that Jared was feeling his pain too. 

They had been through this before, back in the 2nd season finale, when Sam was lying dead on the mattress and Dean was talking about how he always let down the people he loved. Jensen had been saddened and upset at having to see Jared lying there, unmoving and covered in blood, pretending to be dead. Jared had felt the same way and he ruined a few takes that day because Jensen’s performance, knowing Jensen was so upset over his ‘death’, had made him cry and he needed to stop so he could gather himself. They both had felt the numbing sadness that day. 

Jensen wanted to comfort Jared, just as Jared wanted to do the same for Jensen. But both of them carried on. Jared kept himself in character and he didn’t even try to hold back the tears as Jensen finished up his lines. 

“How I feel... This... inside me... I wish I couldn’t feel anything, Sammy. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing.” 

Jensen was an exposed nerve; he was open and vulnerable, and raw. He was broken. Jared's tears fell in hot droplets as he sat there listing to the echoes of Jensen’s words ringing in his ears. He waited for the director to end the scene, his heart aching for his boyfriend. Jensen continued to play Dean, sniffling and looking down at the ground as the camera caught the last close up. 

“And cut!” The director’s voice rang out and seconds later he was shouting out orders, telling the crew to wrap this up and move to the next location. 

As the crew did, Jensen pushed himself away from the Impala and stared walking down the road, his head bowed and his shoulders hunched over, as if he was trying to draw in on himself and make himself smaller. As if he was trying to hide. Jared quickly trailed after him, brushing the tears away franticly as the crew carried on. 

Jared caught Jensen a little ways down the road; he wrapped him up in his arms and held Jensen tight. Jensen was completely stiff, unmoving, his breath held. Jared could sense Dean’s presence, that Jensen was still playing the character—that he had not let it all drift away and that he was not himself. He was Dean...not Jensen. Not the man who made Jared laugh when no one else could, not the man who looked both sexy as hell and adorably cute when he wore his glasses, not the man who Jared loved with all of his heart and soul. 

“Let go, Jensen,” Jared whispered, voice feather soft and laced with love. “Come back to me.” 

Jensen broke, then and there, shattering into pieces. He released every bad emotion, holding nothing back—knowing he didn’t have to anymore. He could fall and Jared would catch him. Jensen grabbed onto Jared in a tight grip and sobbed into his chest, not holding back, his body trembling uncontrollably as he let out the pain and sadness, and sorrow and anguish...as he let Dean go. 

Jared was a warm solid flesh pressed against him and Jensen burrowed into his embrace, soaking in Jared’s warmth and love, and breathing in his scent. His fingers fist in Jared's t-shirt, trying to pull him closer, even though they were pressed so tightly together it was as if they were one. 

Jared pulled Jensen back just enough to dip his head and kiss Jensen. The kiss was passionate and beautiful, and soft and sweet. A true love in that one caress. Jared could feel Jensen melting in his embrace, feeling Jensen coming back to himself. Jensen palmed Jared's cheeks and held him close as he shared a kiss with the man that meant the world to him. 

Time ticked by but it was as if it held still for the boys. They lingered in the sweet moment, lost to themselves, alone in their world as if they were the only ones there. When Jared broke the kiss he gazed at his boyfriend. He didn’t see Dean...he saw Jensen. His lover, his soul-mate, and most importantly, his best friend. 

Jared smiled, which made Jensen blush, like it always did. “Jensen, are you... um...”

It was unsaid, but Jensen heard the ‘okay’ part loud and clear. He heard the concern in Jared’s voice. He was okay, now...now that Jared had brought him back. Jensen hugged Jared and whispered ‘thank you’ then he turned around and headed back towards set. They still had half a day left of filming, and the sooner they finished, the sooner he could enjoy his birthday with his boyfriend, the man he loved with all his heart.

Jared didn’t move at first, still just a small amount of worry racing though him. He didn’t move until Jensen looked back at him with a grin and said, “Are you coming, bitch?” 

Jensen sounded just like Dean, but not sad or hurt or tormented. He sounded happy and cocky, and smug, the big brother teasing his pain in the ass little brother. 

Jared grinned with a bright dimpled smile as he said, “Sure thing, Jerk.” 

Jensen chuckled, a warm rumble in his chest, and Jared smiled brightly. Together the boys walked back to set, their feet in step with each other and their hands clasped together, holding onto one another.

♥ END ♥

**Author's Note:**

> [Written for this prompt!](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/21800.html?thread=5161512#t5161512)


End file.
